The Lava Shot Challenge

Before I talk about the outcome of The Lava Shot Challenge, I need to add something to my last post. We all wore orange jumpsuits for the ride and looked like the cast from Holes; Whitney performed Armpit's rap from the credits, it was a good moment for humanity. My jumpsuit had a monstrous hole in the crotch, it was not a good moment for humanity.

On to The Lava Shot! Have you ever wondered what it would be like to set your face on fire? If you want to find out, try this shot.

 Let me break the challenge down for you:

• Three shots of rum infused with ghost peppers (the last one is a double)
• You have five seconds in between each shot and have to wait 30 seconds after the last one to eat or drink anything
• If you succeed, you get a free shirt

So, the rum. I am not describing flavored rum. This is not the cute Coconut Malibu stuff that I personally believe tastes like sunscreen that you can buy in any liquor store in America. When I say "infused", I mean that you see the peppers floating in the bottle. You see the peppers being poured out of the bottle and into the shot glass that you're about to drink. You see your life flashing before your eyes.

Now that the shots are on the table, I'm just pumpng myself up. Like woo! I got this! And woo! I really want this shirt! And woo! WHITNEY CAN YOU SET UP THAT CAMERA ANY FASTER SO I CAN JUST DO THIS ALREADY???!!!?!

So, yes, there is video footage of me, which is good because I don't remember much of what happened next. This is basically what I imagine my internal monologue was after rewatching the most ridiculous one minute and 28 seconds of my life (it all happened so quickly that my real internal monologue was just me thinking I WANT THAT SHIRT because there wasn't any time for anything else and if there had been, I would have realized that I was an idiot for attempting this and would have stopped).

First shot: I got this. That was spicy but I'm ok. If I jump up and down a little bit during the five second break, I'll be ready. I can totally do this.

Second shot: Ok, this one was harder. Am I crying? There's no crying in baseball or weird drinking games! Yeah, I'm definitely crying...  I could probably breathe fire right now... maybe I already am? Holy Hades that is spicy. I have one more of these??????? Shyt. (Rewatching the video, I see that the bartender stops me from taking the final shot before the five seconds have been counted down, I was so ready to be done)

Third shot: *battle cry* I WANT THAT SHIRTTTTTTTT

Oh crap, I didn't get it all down that time and need to finish...

Final thirty seconds of counting where I preformed a very impressive interpretive dance that I called AHHHHHHHHHGHH: First off, AHHHHHHHHHHHHGHH! EVERYTHING BURNS. I actually can't see because I'm crying right now. I can't feel my mouth. I can feel some of the contents of my stomach and they want OUT. NOW. My sinuses are probably going to be clear for the rest of my life. The worst part however, was in the ears. Have you ever eaten something so hot that your ears feel like they're going to shoot off the side of your head? Because I have and I don't recommend it. It was like an old cartoon where steam comes out of a character's ears except that this was real life. Even though it isn't in the video, I'm pretty sure that steam DID come out of my ears. Since I knew I had survived the shots at that point, my thoughts went from I WANT THAT SHIRT to IS THIS REALLY 30 SECONDS?! BECAUSE IT FEELS LONGER THAN 30 SECONDS. Whitney actually says something along those lines during the video, which was good because if I'd tried to talk, I would have passed out. Those last ten seconds were brutal; I knew I was going to make it but I still had to survive.
Whitney stopped filming shortly afterwards but the look of desperation on my face when I made a mad grab for the water bottle is something else.

Whitney asked me later if I would have done it if I'd known how bad it was going to be and I said probably not but nothing shows how unsuspecting I was than my lack of preparedness for the post-Lava Shot experience. I had like half of a water bottle at the ready... um, that was not enough. Whitney got me a ginger ale and I just pressed it against my lips because my mouth was too hot to handle anything. The bartender gave me a shot of sugar to let dissolve in my mouth (at least that's what I think she said, the burning in my ears wouldn't dissipate for like another 20 minutes). This is when I decided to just pull the trigger and ran through the hostel to the bathroom. Yup, I had to run through the whole building which instantly alerted people to what I'd just done. I didn't actually vomit, surprisingly! I just kind of slumped over the toilet wondering how I'd just done that... It was during this time that I recorded the most pathetic snapchat in the history of ever; I'm sweaty and in the fetal position on the floor of a horribly lit bathroom proclaiming my victory, although it probably looks like I'd lost at that point. Whitney came over a few minutes later with the ginger ale I'd left at the bar and my prize. I got my shirt. I knew it was beautiful but in the moment, I was mainly thinking "bleurgh" because I was holding ginger ale in my mouth so that I could cool off but I couldn't actually swallow so I needed to spit it out into the toilet.

I sent Whitney to get a glass of milk and order some fries and I pushed myself off of the floor. Gargling milk would become my new best friend for the rest of the night and I wondered if I could pull off wearing ketchup as lipstick into a new fashion trend. Whitney ate more of the fries than I did because they were too hot when they first arrived!

Things cooled down about an hour after I'd done the shots when the alcohol started to kick in, because, in case you had forgotten (like I did) there was rum in those peppers and I took four shots in 15 seconds!

In the end, it was 100% worth it. The Lava Shot Challenge cost me a grand total of $3.50 (and some taste buds) and is a story I will tell for the rest of my life. Whitney found out from the bartender that most of the people (men) who try this give up after the first shot and that I was a real champ! It was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I am prouder of that shirt than I am of my college diploma. It will, undoubtedly, be a story in my autobiography about how unparalleled determination combined with mind-numbing stupidity can get you far in life, or get you a t-shirt at the very least.