Saturday, July 16, 2016

You Get What You Pay For

And we did not pay for our shuttle bus from Antigua to Panajachel today. As part of our brilliant bartering with the hostel after we ended up in the non-AC room, we exchanged the third night of our stay for the equality priced ride to Panajachel. So while technically NOT free, it kind of was and therefore, the awful ride we had should have been expected.

Before the bus, however, things were pretty good because we did the New England thing and went to Dunkin Donuts! Sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do!

Now, back to the shuttle. To set the mood, it was late! So things were already going well. Next, it was a tiny shuttle and it was basically full when we got on (we got the last two seats) so our bags had to go on top. That's cool, I can handle that! What I can't handle is when my bag is half hanging over the edge of the rack and the driver tells me not to worry about it. No, sir, I will worry about it! I need that stuff. So when he wasn't looking, I climbed up the ladder on the back of the shuttle and properly secured my bag.

And now we're on the bus (which, fyi, was more like a van). We obviously have the worst seats because we're the last ones there which means that we will be riding with one butt cheek dangling off the ends of our respective benches for two and a half hours. Except that the roads in Antigua are cobblestone and the rest of the roads in Guatemala might as well be, so we were in serious danger of bouncing off for most of the time. Did I mention the alarming speed at which our driver took the numerous twists and turns of our journey? Because I left my stomach somewhere between here and Antigua. Add in the benefit of breathing in exhaust fumes the entire time and you'll see why I was in a bad mood when we got to Panajachel.

The next example of you get what you pay for was to be expected. Whitney booked us a hostel through AirBnb at the last minute for this excursion and it cost exactly $23. For both of us. For two nights. Yeah, $5 plus tax a night. So no, we weren't expecting much. The biggest surprise when we arrived was when the manager told of that AirBnb doesn't allow for listings of less than $5 but the rooms are actually only $4 and then he offered us a beer at 11am to make up for the price difference. We declined.

Now parents, before you worry, this place is not unsafe or super dirty, it's just absolute bare bones. I mean, $4 a night...

Now, I was still in a bad mood from the bus ride and being super hungry so we went to find lunch. I'll admit that it's hard to be in a bad mood here because it's absolutely stunning. Coming here is like stepping into (or dangerously driving into) another world. Lake Atitlan, the lake that Panajachel is on, is gorgeous!

We met up with Whitney's friend, Caitlin (Spell check? There are approximately nine million different ways of spelling that name and Whitney calls her by her last name, Stevens, anyways) and walked around. Katelyn took us to a market where we got chocolate covered bananas for the equivalent of 13 US cents! Catelynne took us to a grocery store where we didn't buy anything! Kaytelinne took us to the house where she is staying while she works here for the next three months to watch National Geographics!!! We got a neat little tour from C8lyn's host as well and then we got tacos for dinner!

That's basically it. Whitney and Katelinn are going out tonight while I am going to sleep because I'm exhausted! Peace and love, blog readers!

Guat's Up?

You're probably like did Thomson really use ANOTHER pun as a title for her blog post? But I'm like guatever. And the jokes on you because I bought a tank top that says Guat's up? on it so the fun never ends! Whitney and I actually bought the matching shirts in Flores but wore them today because they a) SCREAM "tourist" louder than a baby crying at 3 in the morning and b) we were going to be climbing UP a volcano today!!

I'm so punny.

Are you still reading? Because most people have probably thrown whatever electronic device they were using to read this blog across the room because they can't stand anymore of my puns. If you're still here, congratulations! (We don't need them anyways).

Anyways, we booked this trip to Pacaya, an ACTIVE volcano, on the fancy thing called the world wide web a few days ago and got a confirmation email yesterday that Armando would be meeting us at our hostel at 8 today. What we did not know was that we would be Armando's only charges for the day! Yeah, we're so classy that we get private tours! Armando was a character. He was an older gentleman who was very excited when we told him that we were from, as he said it, Bawwwstunn. (His English is 900 times better than our Spanish but is definitely still a work in progress). Apparently he has a friend who owns a taco restauran in West Newton so he knows a lot about the area (and we are going to have to investigate this taco cooking friend of his). Now like I said, Armando's English is not the best, which is why he spent 10 minutes of the ride to Pacaya telling us about how the Catholics here eat only turkey during Lent after Whitney asked if all of the churches in Antigua were Catholic or how he spent 15 minutes of the ride back explaining pet cemeteries, funeral processions and the Guatemalan stance on cremation when Whitney asked if he had any restaurant suggestions for dinner. Now, I did mention that Armando was on the older side so you're probably wondering "how could this old man possibly take these girls on a hike up a volcano?!" And so were we! But that's where Roberto came in! He would be our guide on the mountain and Armando would pick us up again at the bottom.

Being with Roberto increased our Spanish vocabularies by about 100% because we asked him a lot throughout the tour! So now we know 20 words instead of 10! He was actually a very patient guide and very good to us throughout the day.

Now, hiking up a volcano was not very different from hiking anywhere else if you ask me and that was mainly because my entire inner monologue of "Holy crap! I thought I was in shape! When does this end? Why did I do this to myself AGAIN?!" remained the same. The summit is, of course, entirely different because um, it's a volcano! You can't hike to the crater because it's too dangerous but we got pretty close! We then went through all of this ash that was left from previous eruptions (the last big one was in 2010) and let me tell you, volcanic ash is NOT for the uncoordinated. This is code for me. I fell on my butt. Hard. And more than once. I also skinned my hands and elbow. And oh yeah, to add literal insult to injury, Whitney caught it on her GoPro. (I was going but anything but pro-ing at that moment). Whitney fell too but not in the same spectacular fashion that was my performance of the Swan Lake equivalent of falling on your ass.

The bonus of my falls was that I got volcanic ash in my shoes! It became pretty clear that simply walking through this place was going to make anyone a mess but not everyone got to take the mess home with them... in between their toes... (In case the ellipses didn't make it evident, having volanic ash and rocks in your shoes when you're only halfway through your 3+ hour hike is not, in fact, a bonus).

We did take a break in this honest-to-goodness game of The Floor is Lava for a snack. And by that I mean we used volcanic vapors -- coming straight from the earth -- to roast marshmallows. Yup, Roberto brought marshmallows and sticks for us, told us where to set up and then we knew how to do the rest! Roasted marshmallows are a delicious snack to begin with but when Mother Nature is doing the cooking, it is somehow wayyy more satisfying. Whitney took a very good "food in the air" pic with our toasty gelatinous treats in the foreground with the volcano behind. (For those of you who don't know -- like me up until very recently -- "food in the air" photos are when people just hold pretty food in the air to post on social media). Possible Instagram caption: Getting toasty at the top of a volcano. #WhitneyPun

Post-marshmallows (but pre-social media posts), we stopped at the Lava Shop, because why wouldn't a volcano have a gift shop? We bought ourselves a little something and then it was time for the descent. As you can probably imagine, the descent was easier than climbing up was. My internal monologue never involves nearly as much swearing on the way down...

And then we were reunited with Armando. The drive back included the discussion I mentioned earlier along with explaining the KKK and American race relations to him. Whitney slept, although I'm not sure how because his driving got... interesting... as in we've hit some unexpected turbulence and the pilot has turned on fasten seat belt sign so stop getting up to use the bathroom already.

When we got back to Antigua we cleaned up and went to explore the city some more. We didn't take Armando's dinner suggestions (it involved way too many references to dead people instead of dead farm animals) and ended up at a place called Frida's. It wasn't good because it was the first real meal we'd had all day but because it was just really, really good! We went there because Whitney saw people with pretty drinks as we walked past and we ended up splitting a pretty drink of our own! We also split a quesadilla and a burrito and were splitting at the sides by the time we were done!

And now, it's raining so we have taken refuge in our hostel, which isn't great refuge when you consider the fact that the power went out and basically took the WiFi with it (we have power and "WiFi" now but this connection is living up to the hotel's WiFi password: "thereisnowifi"). (In fact, this post was written last night but didn't post until this morning). BUT Whitney made my life when she requested a Hamilton/musical theatre jam session, so we're packing to the sound of Lin-Manuel Miranda (and some Rihanna that they're playing in the bar that we just can't drown out).

On the move to Panajachel tomorrow!

P.S. My Instagram game improved significantly today when I realized that I can sync my camera to my phone. I still can't upload photos to the blog with just my tablet but if you'd like to look at my pictures as well as read my words, my handle is thomson.was.here

P.P.S. How did I not mention that Antigua has geofilters on Snapchat???!!!?! Who am I? They have three and take my word, they're adorable.

P.P.P.S. I don't know why I wrote "take my word" in my previous postscript. Like you're reading my blog, of course you're taking my words! And you must really like my words if you're still reading at this point because seriously, this post is longer than the waitlist for tickets to Hamilton...

P.P.P.P.S. Just testing to see if you're still here. That is all.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Antigua Runs on Dunkin; Thomson Runs on Chocolate

Actually, Thomson doesn't run... or if I do, it's with the grace and dignity of a fat toddler chasing an ice cream truck, but more on that later! (The running on chocolate thing that is, we don't need to discuss what happens when I try to make all of limbs work together to propel me through space at anything faster than a leisurely stroll because, trust me, it isn't pretty).

So, if you read my last post, you know that I survived stomach bugs, bug bites and a 10 hour bus ride to get to Antigua. But what you don't know is that the 10 hour bus ride actually brought us to Guatemala City and then we had to take another shuttle to Antigua! Fooled you!! I'm such an unreliable narrator! Who gave Holden Caulfield a blog??? And that last line alone should explain why I don't run...

We got to our hostel around 8am and were able to check in. Except just kidding, they tried to put us in a dorm that didn't have AC when we had paid up in advance for a room that had it! We told them that we would take a refund for the non-AC room but they didn't want to give us a partial refund (because they hate refunds of any kind apparently) so we would just leave our stuff in a hallway closet until check in officially began at 2. We would get the air conditioned room that we'd paid for and they wouldn't have to give us a refund for 7Q a night, otherwise known as ONE US DOLLAR(!!!). But let me tell you, getting changed in a hallway at 8 in the morning when you know that a perfectly good bed is 10 feet away and could easily be yours is pretty infuriating. Spoiler alert: When we came back to check in later in the afternoon, they'd overbooked all of the rooms with AC and ended up putting us in the same room they'd showed us at 8am and giving us the stupid refund.

Once we were all dressed (and we dressed up for fun today), we went out to breakfast and then walked around the town. Antigua has a lot of old churches. Like a lot a lot. And we couldn't really figure out why there were so many religious buildings in one place with such little signage (and I mean signage at all, we couldn't even find signs in Spanish to explain what all the churches were doing there) but they were pretty to look at and all highlighted on the map that we'd gotten at our hostel so we bopped along from church to church for a while. P.S. Some of these churches are actually *RUINS* of churches, like the old one was destroyed in an earthquake or volcanic eruption or something and what's left of it is still chilling here without any real explanation as to why.

But we noticed that as old as some of the architecture is here (and the churches do date back to the 1500s according to Google), Antigua is not without its modern influences. These newer stores and restaurants are made to blend in but it's a rigging McDonald's, how well can it actually blend?! (Surprisingly well, Whitney didn't believe me when I told her that I'd seen McDonald's bags which meant that there must be a McDonald's nearby). We saw a Mickey D's, Wendy's, BK and yes, Dunkin Donuts. I nearly passed out at the sight of Dunkin. During the winter/spring tour, Jas and I developed a very sophisticated system of alerting the other one to the presence of a Dunkin: it involved slapping the other person and screaming "DUNKIN!" repeatedly. So that's why I did on the streets of Antigua, except I was slapping Whitney instead of Jas and she didn't appreciate it. But as excited as I was to have spotted the holy grail of early morning dining establishments, I couldn't help but think WTF???!!!?! They have Dunkin Donuts in Guatemala but NOT in Montana? Dunkin Donuts' slogan is "America runs on Dunkin" but I've learned the horrible truth is that many Americans have never even been to Dunkin but everyone in Antigua is welcome to get a box of munchkins whenever they feel like it! I will be going there before I leave just to get some Dunkin en espanol.

For lunch, we went to a place called Ta'Cool. Nuff said.

And after lunch, we came to the part of the day that got me closest to running! We were going to ChocoMuseo for our "bean to bar" chocolate making class. At any given time, I am 86-94% chocolate so I was really excited to learn how to make it. And more excited to learn about how it was made from actual chocolate makers and not from the ride at Hershey Park that we went on like nine times during one visit when I was little because I loved chocolate THAT much. Our chocolate making guide was named Orlando, like Orlando, Florida or Orlando Bloom, whichever we preferred. He took us through the whole process. We got to roast beans, peel beans and grind beans (the last one was a competition that I pitifully lost). We learned about how the Mayans had a chocolate drink that translates into "bitter, spicy chocolate water" (which we actually got to make later) and how the Aztecs used cacao beans as currency (my type of people!). We made three different drinks: the bitter spicy one, a tea with the peel from the cacao beans and an early European hot chocolate type thing. I didn't like any of them! BUT I loved talking about chocolate! At the end of the workshop, we got to pour our own chocolate that we could pick up later in the day. I made two milk chocolate bar -- one plain and one with nibs which are the inside of the cacao bean -- and Whitney made a bunch of different shapes. We were very proud of our chocolate and were planning on saving them to bring them home and share but it's already too hot for them so they needed to be eaten! Which we have started to do now. Sorry not sorry. Chocolate forever!

We have since been trying to reorganize our lives in the tiniest dorm room known to hostels and have changed the itinerary! We've added a stay in Panajachel, Guatemala! We're cutting out one day in Antigua and one day in Guatemala City and dropping Panajachel right in the middle. It is a lake and Whitney has a friend from college who just moved there! Apparently there is going to be a festival happening there on Saturday night as well so we really have something extra.special to look forward to. We also grabbed dinner at the Rainbow Cafe which was suggested to us by yesterday's yoga instructor. So things are really fantastic here and oh yeah, did I mention that we're hiking an active volcano tomorrow? I might be willing to rethink my stance on running if things start to go south there but fingers crossed that I can keep walking like the uncoordinated goon that I am!

Bug Bites and Stomach Bugs: Our Last Day in Flores

Even though we've already spent an entire day in Antigua, I'd like to update you on our last day in Flores! We didn't do any little excursions today but don't think we wasted our last hours there because as you will read, we did not.

First off, my bug bites are doing better now, thank you for asking. Still not 100% and my back looks like some freaky modern art as these giant welts have bloomed in between patchy skin where my sunburn peeled off, but not the same level of excruciating pain the past two days. (If you didn't care about my bug bites, I have to wonder what you're doing reading this blog because all I ever talk about here is myself so I figured you'd be interested!).

Anyways, we actually started the day with some yoga. We found a sign advertising for it on the island and were able to book a session. It was very relaxing because why wouldn't it be when you're overlooking a lake on a sunny day in paradise? After that, we actually went to lunch with the yoga instructor who moved to Guatemala from Texas and gave us some ideas of what to do in Antigua and for other stops on our trip.

After that, we got tubes from our hostel and went to float in the lake! Flores doesn't have any real beaches or anything glamorous but we had fun in the sun and ended up playing some really stupid games that only we would think we're entertaining to begin with.

And then, I was bitten by another bug and this one was probably worse than a mosquito because I got to pack up all of my stuff and go to the bus station in 95° weather with a stomach bug! I was not a happy camper but fortunately, this bug healed up faster than my mosquito bites have because I was able to make it through the 10 hour overnight, non-air conditioned bus ride in the same amount of extreme discomfort as the rest of my fellow passengers and I didn't vomit on anyone!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

More Mayan Stuff (No More Puns)

Yesterday, I went to Tikal and didn't get bitten by a single mosquito! Last night, our dormmates left the door open long enoughfor every bug in Flores to find it's way into our room. Did Whitney get bitten? No. Did the three French girls get bitten? No. (Well, possibly, they didn't really speak English). Did I get bitten? Yes. It looks like I was the mosquito equivalent of an all-you-can-eat buffet. I was the seven course meal. I was the two-for-one cocktail at Happy Hour. Who needs to be popular with parole when the bus love you this much???

Now, we can all agree the mosquito bites are lame but do we all have a mosquito allergy that causes these bites to swell to the size of an apple? Because I do and I'm miserable. Maybe not Whitney-with-a-sunburn level of misery but one big bit the back of my leg and it now looks/feels like I have a third butt cheek. I also got four bites surrounding my pinky finger on my left hand so it's a good thing I'm a righty because otherwise I would not be typing this. I have special cream and Benadryl for this situation but, infuriatingly, it's mainly a wait it out scenario.

Because I am a rock star and refuse to bow to pain, we still had a pretty exciting day. We spent the morning looking for postage stamps because it appears to be harder to find them in Flores than it is to find postcards in a town of 200 people in the States but eventually we did it (never underestimate me when it comes to postcards. Or anything in general).

And after that, we left for a tour of Yaxha. For starters, it isn't pronounced Yax-ha like we said when we originally asked about it but more like Yawk-shaw and it is another site of Mayan ruins. It is definitely less well known and visited than Tikal but that made it more intimate in a way. The cool thing here was that only about 10% of the ruins have been excavated and the rest are now covered by trees and other foliage, so you see these GIANT mounds and you know that there is a temple under them and that that temple was once used for something! One thing that wasn't as cool was when it started raining, but as I said glibly "It isn't called a dry forest."

We were in the minority of non-Spanish speakers on this tour so we didn't get as much of the history lesson as we did at Tikal but we still got to climb up some really old buildings!

When we got back, we had dinner at our hostel because it was late and convenient. I wanted a burger but they didn't have any straightforward options so I just went with the first one called the Crazy Mayan Burger. It WAS crazy but I don't know what avocados, pineapple and barbecue sauce have to do with Mayan culture...

Monday, July 11, 2016

The Cake Has No Calories (and other things that happen when your sister drops her phone in the lake)

I don't know if I've mentioned this but Flores is an island. It is a very cute, small island in the middle of a lake. Whitney and I went for a walk around the island yesterday and it took us roughly 20 minutes.

We decided that tonight, we'd enjoy getting dinner and watching the sunset. We found some food stands on the western side of the island yesterday and strangely enough, the sun would be setting in the west as well! Roughly an hour before sunset, we headed out. We got a hodge podge dinner from a few of the different stands -- ordering in embarrassingly broken Spanglish -- and while I'm not completely sure of what we got, I do know that it only cost 15Q, which equals roughly $2 and change. While I don't know exactly what I ate, I did see that every stand had banana bread and chocolate cake the size of my face and it was very tempting. We sat down at the docks (which are really just some stairs that go down to the water*) post-meal and debated if we should get cake.

*This is important. Remember this.

The answer to the question "do we want cake?" is always yes and if I ever say no, I've clearly been taken over by aliens and should be destroyed. So Whitney is going to get the cake and when she stands up, her phone goes down. And here is my version of events:

The phone bounced down the stairs and there was a split second where it looked like it would stop short of the water, but that second passed and the phone was where no phone should go. Whitney fell down to her knees and cried out in despair but I didn't have time for that. I dove straight in, not realizing what was lurking in the murky depths! First, a shark swam straight towards me but I punched it in the face and it swam away. Next, a kraken wrapped itself around me but I wriggled free. Davy Jones was coming for me but I just laughed in his face because that's the type of sister I am. My fingers reached out... I had the phone! I stepped back onto the dock and miraculously, probably because of my world class selflessness and humility, the phone was still working. Whitney was so overjoyed that she bought me an ENTIRE cake.

What actually happened: Whitney didn't move but I "springbok-ked" into action and grabbed the phone from the water without a thought. Somehow, it was still working. Whitney and I agreed that this meant the cake would have no calories and split slices of chocolate cake and banana bread while we watched the sunset.

Guatemala Has Ruined Me (and other puns)

Nothing says Legs Day like a 2:30 wake up call and 85% humidity, right?! ...right? Even if you don't agree with me (or perhaps you don't know what Legs Day is), this was the day I had at Tikal National Park.

Tikal is an old Mayan civilization but mainly known for being featured in a movie that you might have heard of -- it's a movie about Harrison Ford and his dogs and some fighting stars. Maybe you haven't heard of the movie! I don't know, but for those of you who have, Tikal stands in for Yavin in Episode IV.

Side note: I believe that all Mayan civilizations are "old" but I could be wrong so I wanted to give the Mayans the benefit of the doubt.

We wanted to hike Tikal at sunrise which meant getting there BEFORE sunrise, which meant leaving at 3am. It had already been a long day by the time we arrived at the park... Now a few of our hostel mates went on this trip with us, including a group of five Brits who we (unfortunately) met yesterday coming from Belize City. They are not the type of people who you want to be with at 3am; they seem like the type who voted for the UK to leave the EU without knowing what either of those abbreviations stood for. They were also loud at 3am, which is not a time for people to be loud, even if they must be awake. And one of them spent a portion of the hour long ride from Flores to the park doing her makeup. You know that it's pitch black, right?! *face palm*

It was still dark when we arrived but Whitney decided she'd put on her Go Pro chest piece. The chest piece, as you might have guessed, straps the camera to her chest, allowing her to go hands free (when we went snorkeling, she used her floating handle). The logic behind wearing the chest piece was not to get great footage but that she didn't want to carry it around. Brilliant. At one point, she said "I think it's fashionable," and my response was a simple "I think you're wrong, but whatever." To each their own!

So we get to the park and we're going to climb to the top of Temple 4, the tallest temple, for the sunrise. This was also where they shot the establishing shots of "Yavin" for Fighting Stars #1 from so I was basically George Lucas this morning. There were a lot of stairs to get to the top of this thing. They weren't the steep, stone steps that the Mayans would have used but there were still a ton! And when we got to the top... It was cloudy. You couldn't see a thing. You could hear a lot though; the entire rainforest was waking up. Howler monkeys were screaming! The Brita were screaming too but everyone shssssed them to our satisfaction. It was unfortunate that we didn't get to see a brilliant sunrise but eventually we went back to the top of Temple 4 after the clouds had cleared and did get to see the view of the three other major temples.

After we'd climbed back down the many, many, many stairs, we walked through the rainforest. I keep wanting to say jungle for elegant variation but our guide made it clear that this was a rainforest so I will use the proper terminology. We set off on a figurative hunt for the monkeys. We'd heard a lot of them during our non-sunrise, early morning meditation so we knew they were close and we ended up seeing both spider AND howler monkeys before 7:30am. We also saw two toucan! So I can add some more animals to my list of "animals that people have seen in zoos but I have seen out in the wild" otherwise know as the "wild animal stories" that I tell the kids I work with (it's a mini-contest to see who has the coolest animal story and I usually win because I have the trump card of seeing penguins on the beach in Africa but monkeys in Central America are probably my new road to victory).

Tikal is big. Whitney logged her daily goal of 10,000 steps on her Fitbit before 8:30am and we were at the park until 11! We got to visit Temples 1, 2 and 3 along with "the lost world." I don't know how the temples in the lost world were anymore lost or found than the other temples at Tikal considering that it was all lost for a time and wasn't rediscovered until the 1840s but no one asked me before they named it. On top of the sheer size of the place, every temple had a crap ton of stairs to climb and these things were steep. At one point, I seriously considered going down on my bum because I was worried that I might fall as I tried to maneuver the stairs without any handrail. Like I said, it was definitely legs day and I am going to remember Tikal in my quads for a while.

Oh, by the way, we did all of this wearing yoga pants and long sleeve shirts. We were trying to protect ourselves from the bugs and it appears to have worked but holy hell were we hot!

In all, Whitney and my combined effort to find puns/perfect instagram captions summed up the experience wonderfully:
Whitney: Waking up at 2:30 am left me in ruins.
Me: Guatemala has ruined me.